Supporting Clients When Holiday Traditions Bring Up Trauma
By Ashley Charbonneau
A lot of us think or hope the holidays will be peaceful and filled with connection and joy. For many clients, though, holidays bring up past traumatic experiences. Family gatherings, religious services, cultural rituals, and even office parties can reactivate histories of abuse, neglect, loss, exclusion, or dysfunctional patterns.
For mental health practitioners, I want to normalize the complexity of the holiday season. As therapists, we can best support clients by exploring pressure to solely lean into the positive aspects of holidays. In your work with clients over the holidays, consider these five steps:
Assessment of Holiday Triggers
Assess triggers, coping skills, and overall functioning by asking open-ended questions, such as:
- What do the holidays bring up for you?
- What traditions do you participate in that might be stressful?
- Where do you think you will feel safest during this season?
- What has helped in previous years?
Treatment Options Over the Holidays
Explore options with your clients. Clients often believe they must participate in traditions exactly as they have always been – especially in families where “we’ve always done it this way” carries a lot of weight. In supervision or consultation, we can explore clients’ choices, even when a client can’t say “no” to a situation entirely. Rather than “all or nothing” thinking, we can help clients explore what “parts” of the holidays could look like. Scaling questions, for example, might be an option. Consider:
- If 0 is not going at all, and 10 is fully planning and participating, where do you want to be this year? On a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being not confident at all and 10 being extremely confident, how confident are you that you can be where you want to be this year?
- What does the continuum of participation look like? Is there a way to arrive late, leave early, or take scheduled breaks during an event or when you are around certain people? Are you able to skip parts of the event?
Preparation for the Holidays
Help your clients prepare for what may come up for them during this time. Practice coping skills, such as grounding strategies, they can utilize during moments of distress or escalating interactions with others.
Create an Exit Strategy
Have an exit plan. Many clients are likely going to events or participating in rituals or traditions. Small shifts in planning can include driving themselves so they don’t have to rely on someone else to leave the situation, sitting closer to an exit, or having a support person on standby. This can help enhance a sense of agency even when clients feel stuck, trapped, or forced.
Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care after each event, ritual, or tradition is essential. Help your clients design a post-event plan to rest, rejuvenate, and calm their nervous systems. This could look like leaning into other supports, walking, journaling, or using other coping mechanisms.
Remember that every client is different, with their own unique histories. Some clients might spend holidays alone or they might be estranged from family members. With these clients, we might need to take a different approach, such as validating isolation and loss. It might be helpful for them to establish personal rituals and spend time with their chosen family.
Review Your Own Holiday Assumptions
You should also ask yourself to identify what assumptions you have about holidays, and how those might impact clients. Clinical supervision or consultation groups can provide a safe space to process how our beliefs and attitudes may affect the therapeutic relationship or even client stability. Groups can help you reflect on:
- What happens when a client has different beliefs or traditions than you?
- What is your reaction when a client shares that they hate the holidays?
- Around this time of year, do you approach client work differently, for example, do you try to cheer them up?
- Do the holidays activate anything in you?
As therapists, we need to make sure we are taking care of ourselves, setting boundaries with others (including clients), and attending to our own triggers and vicarious trauma.
How We Can Help
As we enter what tends to be a more difficult time of the year for clients, consider seeking supervision or consultation to feel more comfortable about what may come up in the therapy room as we approach holidays. Whether you’re looking for one-time support or ongoing guidance, Firelight Supervision is here to help. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation to get more information about our offerings!
Author Bio
Ashley Charbonneau is a licensed clinical social worker, approved clinical supervisor, and blogger with Firelight Supervision. Ashley supports early-career and experienced therapists in building confidence, navigating clinical challenges, and growing their unique voice as clinicians. She specializes in trauma, addictions, clinical assessment, and supervision that’s rooted in authenticity and ethical care. Follow Firelight Supervision on Instagram and Facebook.
