How to Work with the Over-talkative Client
By Kristen Dammer
As a therapist, do you find yourself searching for moments to interrupt your client in order to add valuable information? Do you find yourself checking out and not able to fully listen when your client is rambling about seemingly unimportant details? Does your client say, “wow we’re at the end of session already, what did we talk about?” and you find yourself thinking “not a thing related to therapy.”
The over-talkative client will walk into your therapy office at some time or another. Let’s talk about some underlying reasons to understand what’s behind over-talkativeness, the potential impact of clients’ talkativeness on relationships, and ways to navigate this type of client.
First and Foremost: Understanding Why the Client is Talking
Most importantly, look at the client as a whole and do not think that overtalkativeness as an issue is a one size fits all. Yes, most overtalkative clients most likely have ADHD or another type of neurodiversity, but it is important to gather more information. Is this client overtalkative at all times in his life or just certain times?
When the client overtalks, is she also experiencing goal-oriented activities, decreased “need” for sleep, seems to be flight of ideas during speech or pressured speech? If this is the case, you could be with a client who has Bipolar Disorder. The main difference being that the overtalkativeness is periodic and in conjunction with hypermania or manic symptoms.
If the client is consistently overtalkative with circumstantial speech and/or adds unnecessary details to her sharing or leaves out important details this could be a sign of ADHD (Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder). Often ADHD clients will understand that they went off topic and stop and ask or think back to the original point or question, “Oh yes, that’s what I was talking about.”
Symptoms such as racing thoughts are common with types of mania and ADHD. In ADHD, racing thoughts show up as an internal hyperfocus. So just as ADHD clients can hyperfocus externally on a project, they can turn their thoughts inwardly with the same intensity.
In addition, if the client has very particular topics that interest them that they talk about for hours, this could be a sign of Autism. Both ADHD and Autistic clients often have limited eye contact, especially when recalling memories, information, or events. I should caution you not to diagnose your client just based on overtalkativeness, but rather to figure out how overtalking fits into the client’s overall diagnostic picture.
And lastly, your client could just be a naturally overtalkative person. Maybe your client never has an opportunity to talk, freely, so they feel safe talking openly when in your office. Whatever the case, gather all your client’s history before over-generalizing diagnoses based solely on talkativeness.
Or perhaps the client has narcissistic traits and enjoys hearing their own voice and enjoys being the “expert” on topics. Yikes, talkativeness is complicated! The main points: it is important to listen, gather a full history and find a place of compassion versus tolerance of this type of client.
Relationships, Relationships, Relationships
Relationship challenges encompass at least 90% of our clientele as therapists. The overtalkative client will most likely have difficulties in communication with everyone in their lives, including you.
They might even come into therapy with the common phrase “my partner says that I don’t know how to communicate” or “I know that I have a difficult time emotionally regulating whenI communicate”. Learning effective communication skills is an important piece of working with overtalkativeness. Use the therapeutic experience as a way to educate, model and practice communication tools – the things you do best as a therapist!
The therapeutic relationship is a way for clients to work through all the stuff that happens “out there in the real world” in regard to relationships. When you are with this type of client, how do you experience them? Is it difficult to stop and redirect? Do you find yourself feeling frustrated and maybe want to shut down?
If you find yourself frustrated with this type of client, working through this with your own therapist or with your supervisor is important. Ask yourself, “what are some judgments that are hidden in how you are thinking about this client?” It is not problematic to have negative or frustrating thoughts when with a client, but it is problematic to not have awareness around these thoughts.
Somatic Awareness with the Over-talkative Client
Paying attention to somatic cues that you are having during your session with an over-talkative client is crucial. How you are experiencing the client in session is often how others are experiencing them. This information is an important piece of information to eventually work through with clients, which will help improve their relationships.
Do you feel pulled along the storyline with the client and find yourself feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start or help? Maybe your own thoughts start racing and you have a difficult time following the conversation because your heart starts pounding and your head floods with ideas. For example, an ADHD client can often make therapists feel pulled into the scatteredness, especially without self awareness or their own mindfulness practice.
Self-awareness and mindfulness are key factors in helping ground yourself and co-regulate your clients nervous system in session. These are necessary skills to practice in general with clients, but especially with the overtalkative client. Using all the internal and external information and eventually “feeding it back to” and educating clients with the real-time information can help clients feel more connected in their relationships.
How to Manage Over-talkativeness in Therapy Sessions
Now that you have an understanding as to possible diagnosis and how over-talkativess impacts in relationships, we can move into how to best navigate talkativeness within your therapy sessions. Here are some key points:
Timing and Trust
Most clients need time to vent and/or outwardly process during sessions. Clients come to us because they need a safe place to process their emotions, and this involves a lot of talking. Allowing ample space to talk openly during sessions can help build therapeutic trust and rapport between you and your client.
How do you know when it’s too much talking? Again, listen to the cues. At the end of the session, does your client glance at their watch and say, “oh no” we are out of time, and I feel I didn’t say anything.” Are you feeling internal cues that you need to stop them but are too afraid or unsure how?
Listen to those internal cues, write down key points in the client’s story to return to, or turn to your mindfulness practice to help you during your sessions. You can also talk to your supervisor for more suggestions and learn how to effectively communicate what you are feeling with your client. These are all helpful ways to navigate talkativeness.
Effective Communication
Once you feel the timing is good and you have some rapport, communicate with your client directly, stating what you are noticing and what you know to be helpful. With ADHD clients, therapists need to be more directive. ADHD clients will know that they are overtalkative and will often have years of shame behind the talkative trait.
Using education to normalize overtalkativeness can be helpful. Stay true to yourself in timing and communication for the overtalkative client. Use humor, deep empathy, knowledge, whatever tools you naturally gravitate towards will feel most authentic for both you and the client.
When interrupting your client, it can be helpful to say “Let’s stop here for a minute and check in, you just said some information that I am noticing is very important.” Or “I notice that you process a lot of information through speech, which is neither right or wrong, good or bad, it is just a wonderful part of you. As you were talking, I have jotted down notes of specific patterns or areas that will be helpful to return to. I would like to share my thoughts with you, as this can add a helpful layer in therapy, is it okay if I do that now?”
Or you can ask questions like “if I interrupt you in the middle of your share, how does that feel, what are you noticing? If you are consistently waiting to the end of the client’s story and this coincides with the end of the session, then it’s a good sign that you will have to change your strategy and be more directive. This leads us to the next point which is checking in.
Consistently Check In
Again this is a necessary tool for all clients but most helpful with talkativeness. Ask questions at the beginning and end of the session to direct and guide the session. “What would be most helpful to discuss today or most helpful to stay on track with today? Or, “how do you think the session went with meeting your needs of working on….?” “Is there anything that I can improve? What would be most important to include in today’s session?”
Check in, check in, check in. This is an important step in modeling communication, setting the guide rails for session and aligning sessions with your clients’ needs.
Conclusion
The over-talkative client can be challenging but also wonderful. I love the high energy and challenge of following along with stories while putting my own “bullet points” in information to return to. Whatever your feelings with the talkative client, it is important to have supervision to better understand your own internal responses, find possible blind spots, and feel more confident in session.
How we can help
Reach out to Firelight Supervision today and embark on a path of growth, empowerment, and fulfillment. Invest in yourself and your clients by nurturing your professional development.
You can also sign up for a free phone consultation to discuss options and learn more about us!
Author Bio
Kristen Dammer is a clinical supervisor, therapist, and blogger with Firelight Supervision and Catalyss Counseling. Kristen specializes in trauma, ADHD, and perinatal counseling with adults and is trained in EMDR. Kristen enjoys providing clinical supervision and consultation to beginning to advanced clinicians in private practice, hospital, and agency settings.
